What I've learned about Boys

Growing up I was an only child to divorced parents. Same story that millions of others share. My mom was usually busy. Working or off to one of her auxiliary meetings or functions. I learned early how to develop multiple personalities. You have to, Barbie can't live in her dream home without friends, and My Little Pony would be awfully lonely in the stable without other candy colored four legged friends. It was easy. I decide who won the races or ate the best oats in the stable. I decided which Barbie wore the best clothes and got to go out with Ken. What was really hard though was board games. I never understood why people would gift an only child a board game. I'd play them though...two or three "personalities" at a time. Problem was, I couldn't decide which "me" I wanted to win. 

Now, all grown up and married I don't need those tag along losers anymore. I gave birth to more personalities than I can handle. Of course two of them are boys. I was scared to death when my first son was born. He was a BOY! I didn't know anything about little boys. What the heck did you do with that thing? Did you clean it? Have to make sure it was pointed in a certain direction? I was lost. Now two boys and 5 years later I know more about boys then about girls. Here are just a few I've learned along the way....

Firs thing I learned and learned quickly...Cover it! Before you get sprayed in the face...or better yet, they spray themselves in the face. They always look at you like YOU did it. You have to be a quick draw.

Second...boys are just dirty little monkeys. No getting around it. You dress them for church and somehow before they leave the bedroom, something in on their face, shirt and shoes. How DO they do it? I've decided that its a magnet. Yup, that's what the Adams Apple is...a huge giant dirt magnet. 

Third, boy are just gross. They are just wired differently than girls. In that faulty crossed wiring something makes them obsessed with their own bodily functions and the farts of others around them. I'm beginning to think being called a poopy head is an endearment.

Fourth....they already know their ancestor great great great great great great great great great great and so on Grand pappy Ugh-Unga Bunga invented the wheel...and still millions of generations later appreciate that invention. Anything with a wheel is to be rolled, driven, crashed, and raced. This last well until adulthood when loads of money gets thrown into a set of wheels. 

And then...there is the mother. All boys are mamas boys. Sorry, its just a fact. There is nothing in this world that is better than a mama....that is...until they reach the teen years and discover the shower soap. Then if their mama is still number one...I think therapy is needed. It's those boys that end up being 40 year old basement dwellers

And last...if that boy has a brother...there is a bond between brothers that nothing can break. It makes all that faulty wiring and dirty habits not matter. They strangle each other one moment then 2 seconds later would kill a rabid tiger to protect the other. Someone to dig holes with,build forts with, squash caterpillars with, talk shop, trucks, cars, and wheels...someone to beat up, someone to share popcorn with...

With all their faults and habits, I wouldn't trade them in for anything in the world...not even more girls. Now GIRLS have problems of their own...especially those with two little brothers. But that's another post.