Sniff Sniff

It sure has been awhile. I'll try to keep this short. Mom is still on 100% ventilator. They moved her to another hospital called Kindred hospital that specializes in long term ICU care. She has kidney failure, heart attack, a septic infection and atrial fibrillation just to name a few that I can spell. It is still unresponsive to weaning her off the vent. We were basically told to prepare ourselves but hope for the best. 

Its just that once they treat her for something it causes other problems. Her amputation site looks good...but that's about all that is positive at the moment.

My screams for today are....

I'm down...depressed, bummed...pissed off at hospitals and doctors. Tired of trying to find people who give a crap enough to help care for my three while I go and visit my mother. Now that she is further away it will be even harder. I hate repeating myself to family and friends OVER and OVER again. Hate that people who haven't spoken with her in 30 years think now is the time to fly in and make their peace. I hate that in the back of my mind I think my husband really hopes that I make the choice to take her off the vent just so she will die and not live with us any longer and I'll not have to care for her. I hate the fact that she can't talk to me and tell me what she wants. I hate the fact that my mom can't hug me and tell me its okay.

I want my mommy....