So confused

Ryan: "I'm hungry."

Me: "I'm cooking breakfast now."

Ryan: looking at the stove..."NOOOOOOOO, no eggs, I want a real breakfast...poptarts!"

Me: WTF?....LMAO...so what do they call bacon, eggs and toast these days?

Bad girl...very bad...

My Zinnia's have taken over my front garden. They are so pretty and I'm now proud to say I no longer have a black thumb...I'm not saying its green...maybe a nice teal shade. I'm still counting the days my house plants have to live.

I have been such a bad blogger lately. Usually I'm an everyday poster and I comment on all my bloggie friends but the last 3 months I've just been horrible. I think its being so busy that has done it. I get on the computer and all I want to do is drown myself in mindless Facebook farm games.

Nothing much new going on here. We are trying to finish the house. Something we've been working on for two years. Now its down to paint colors and laying the hardwood. BTW, that hard wood was bought almost a month and a half ago and is still sitting in my building. I just want it on the FLOOR! John is so slow about these things but then he feels overwhelmed. He doesn't know where to start. I say put the second coat on my kitchen walls...now that would be a good place to start. @@

On another note, I've been keeping myself busy with digital art. I made a small header and graphic for my friend Steph over at A Close Knit Family. She finally started her own Etsy shop. She does fantastic work. Go check her out!! Her link is on my sidebar. I've done a few other things here and there and the thought of doing a tiny little business is rolling in the back of my mind. Who knows. I have to much on my plate right now to do more than thinking in that department.

I've made a pact with myself to start blogging again. It really is a great outlet and great place for me to scream and vent. Better here than the people I love right? LOL

Two New Babies....

My daughter is well beyond outgrowing her children's furniture. We are going to move her to the secondary master bedroom. With her being our only girl, we feel that deserves her own bathroom. Who wants to share with two little brothers if you don't have too right? Yuck..enough said. 

So our week has been spent looking at new paint colors and "big girl" dressers. I'm trying to save a little dough and check out craigslist for a good deal. In doing that one day...I happened to just look at the pets section. And what did I find you ask? Sweet little ole Violet looking for a new home. She being a 5 month old Puggle, needed to find a new loving home. We already have a pup named Holly that we adopted or that should say...adopted us. So yes...I was just a little insane when I hit that email address wanting to know if Miss Violet still wanted a new home. Heck we JUST got Miss Holly house broken. I know I'm gluten for self punishment. 

Of course we got the call back that we were to late. Others beat me to the punch. I moved on and kept to the furniture section. 

Low and behold...the next day we get an email that Miss Violet is still needing a forever home. The people that were planning to take her never showed. I jumped on the phone and set up a meeting place to met her and see if we suited her taste. 

She took to us at first sight....she has been with us a week now and fits in with our family perfectly. She is 90% house broken already...so sweet and gentle with the kids and has made Holly her adopted sister or partner in crime. I say that because they've already ganged up on me and ripped me off of a pound and a half of sliced deli meat and managed to roll in 50 lbs of mud before running back into the house to spread their brown gold all over the family room and kitchen. Its fun bathing two nasty muddy dogs and trying to fend off a toddler who wants to join in the fun. 

With that said...she makes the best foot warmer at night and she keeps your lap warm and toasty during the day. We love her dearly. We've also renamed her...Meet Miss Layla Violet Wagner. 

My second baby is my new sewing machine...I've begged for a new one for what seems like ages! 

Book Smarts vs. Common Sense

My oldest and only girl is going to turn 7 in June. She was our first and by far the brightest of our three (so far). She excels so much academically. Reading on a 3rd grade level in 1st grade. Doing multiplications and word problems. Writing 2 page book reports. Things I didn't do until I was well into 3rd or 4th grade. And I'm no dumb chica, but she has much more book smarts that I ever did. 

HOWEVER, she is the typical airhead. Yes, I just called my 6 year old daughter an airhead. The Lord knows how much I love and adore her...but I swear she would go to school NAKED if I didn't remind her to dress herself. She is very independent. Not one to ask for help and always wants to do things her way. The only thing is....she literary FORGETS what the heck she is doing right in the middle of doing it. Is this normal for girls? No clue. I don't remember being so flighty at her age. She minds me of an older lady with a bad case of CRS (Can't Remember Shit). You know the type...I even have it on occasion. You walk into the kitchen to make coffee but forget why you went into the kitchen in the first place. Or taking off your shoes and making your way to put them away, yet you get side tracked and somehow they get placed in the freezer. Yes, I did that...but I blame that on my "mommy brain". Which I never had until my second was born. So I promise its not genetic. 

So I believe its a classic case of lack of common sense...which if you ask me, isn't very common. I've run across many who got the short end of that stick. But why my daughter? Seriously it drives me INSANE. How in the world do you help your children develop common sense or just to walk and chew gum at the same time without falling on their face? I'm clueless... Anyone have any bright ideas? I foresee my gorgeous girl becoming a rocket scientist yet, without the ability feed and cloth herself....HELP!

In Memory

Lola Grace "Bitty" Ellett

April 20th, 1954-April 26, 2009

Goodbye mama.

Sniff Sniff

It sure has been awhile. I'll try to keep this short. Mom is still on 100% ventilator. They moved her to another hospital called Kindred hospital that specializes in long term ICU care. She has kidney failure, heart attack, a septic infection and atrial fibrillation just to name a few that I can spell. It is still unresponsive to weaning her off the vent. We were basically told to prepare ourselves but hope for the best. 

Its just that once they treat her for something it causes other problems. Her amputation site looks good...but that's about all that is positive at the moment.

My screams for today are....

I'm down...depressed, bummed...pissed off at hospitals and doctors. Tired of trying to find people who give a crap enough to help care for my three while I go and visit my mother. Now that she is further away it will be even harder. I hate repeating myself to family and friends OVER and OVER again. Hate that people who haven't spoken with her in 30 years think now is the time to fly in and make their peace. I hate that in the back of my mind I think my husband really hopes that I make the choice to take her off the vent just so she will die and not live with us any longer and I'll not have to care for her. I hate the fact that she can't talk to me and tell me what she wants. I hate the fact that my mom can't hug me and tell me its okay.

I want my mommy....

Mom

She's been in the hospital since last Thursday. She developed eschar on three large spots on her foot. 8 months of the pain and wound clinic just did not help. The infection has gone down into the bone. They've been pumping major antibiotics in since Friday but its not working. Elevation has made some of the color around her toes improve but still not very well. They've called in two specialist. Both agree that the leg needs to come off right above the knee. My mom requested a second opinion, he should arrive sometime today. Although I don't blame her a bite for asking, I personal don't see a way to save it. Eschar also is appearing on the other foot.

I am living a horror. I have no idea what to do for her and she is not a strong person emotionally. I feel a little closed off, but I know I'm doing that to myself to keep my chin up. I have NO idea how I can still care for her after this. She being a very heavy woman...there is just no way I can help much without live in home care which we can not afford.

I feel like the worst daughter in the world not being able to be at the hospital with her as much as she needs me. But with the three kids, not really having family and friends that aren't working who can take them. I just can't be up there since its Spring Break and the kids are out of school. Ugh, its just a mess. I'm babbling....just keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

I want to say this to those reading. Take care of your body!!! Do it NOW. My father lost both his legs due to blood clots. He was a VERY active man all his life. But he smoked and drank like a fish and paid the price. My mother..never watched her diet or exercised much. Developed diabetes in midlife and didn't change her lifestyle. Diabetes WILL kill you. Don't put faith in medication alone...you yourself have to make changes early. She is only 54. So young..yet so old.